Follow Your Gut

I recently went through some serious soul searching regarding my employment. I was"offered" a new position which was to be located in the new corporate billing office that our company was setting up. It was really not a surprise that this move was coming, we have been one corporation now for about 6 years but our billing was always managed by an outside vendor and the time had come for us to "man up" and take on the entire billing function ourselves.



This means, of course, that it will impact each and every person in the company in some way. Some employees more directly than others. I unfortunately am falling in the more directly category. I work as the accounts receivables specialist in one of the practices associated with the company.



This is not the only function that I perform in the office, my job is varied and some days are a lot more about other functions than about AR. This is probably what makes me so good at the AR portion of my job, because right about the time I feel that I absolutely cannot deal with another insurance company or another claims issue, that is when something that is going on the office pulls me away and needs my attention. I enjoy the fullness of all of the different aspects of what I do.



I enjoy working with the other employees in our office. I am able to help them with so many of the issues that come up and have helped to train them, direct them and also to learn from them.



The new position seemed as if it would be an ok fit for me at first. I was under the impression that it too would be a job with variety and the opportunity to learn and grow. I met with our COO and discussed a lot of different things regarding work hours, where the different people would be located in the new office and what their goals were for getting the centralized billing department up and running. Sounds good on paper right?



Thursday I went down to meet with him again to discuss a proposal that he wanted to offer to me. I went with no expectations but wanted to get a chance to talk about what my specific role would be and what my exact job was going to be. The offer was to take on the AR for another surgical practice in addition to the practice that I currently work for. This too in the big overall picture does not sound bad until I began to realize that there would be no more variety in any aspect of my job.



Each and every day would be spent in a cubicle on the phone calling insurance companies to ask for the money we are owed. I know that there is no issue as far as the fact that I could do the job and at I am sure that I would do it well. But I know myself and I know that I need to have a job with variety and the opportunity to do more than one thing well. I need challenges. I need problem solving, fact finding, helping other employees with the issues that they may need to resolve. In other words I know that I would burn out very quickly if I was doing the AR only and it would only be a matter of time until I wasn't doing the job well because I would not love it. Slowly but surely I would need to have something else and that would force me to look around for another job.



My fear was that this is probably the worst time to even remotely have to think about trying to find another job. The market is just dry out there and if my honest feelings about this new job cost me my employment, what would we do to make up the difference and cover our bills? this dilemma is something millions of other people deal with on a daily basis, covering up their feelings about a job they dislike in order to earn that all important paycheck.



I am lucky enough to have an office manager who has encouraged me to grow both within the job that I currently have and also to look toward the future to where I want to be. She encouraged me to go back to school, she made me confident that I am a good employee, I do a good job and I deserve better than to just go with the flow to keep a check. It was wrenching for both of us to come to the realization that if this did not go well, I may not have a job and she would lose me as an employee altogether.



A meeting was scheduled between the two of us and the doctor in charge of the business end of the practice. I expressed my concerns and we all came to the conclusion that the new position was not going to be the right place for me. He assured me that if it came down to a decision whether I would leave the company or they would need to pay my salary out of their pockets rather than the corporation taking it on, he would personally make sure that I stayed employed within their practice rather than leave to go to the CBO.



I will have to contact our COO and tell him of my decision. I don't have any unrealistic expectations that he will be pleased that I am turning down his offer but in the big picture, I have to do a job that I care about in order to do it well. It may turn out that in the end I will have to leave the company and go out looking for something else, I'm hoping we can reach a compromise.



The person that you have to live with every day is yourself. If you sell yourself short and you don't stand up for what you want, need or love in your life then you cheat only your self. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do to get through a certain time period and then we come out on the other side better people because of it. This was not one of those times. My goal is always to do the best job that I can possibly do. If I walk out of the office on any given day and I feel I did not give 110 percent, I am disappointed in myself. No supervisor, manager or any other type of boss can set goals higher than the ones that I set for myself. Therefore that old saying "to thine own self be true" is my motto. If I know up front I will end up hating what I do every day, and I know that my performance will suffer for it then I am not doing myself or my employers any favors and I have to make the right choice.



Here's hoping that it works out for all of us. For me I can finally sleep through the night without obsessing over the fact that am not speaking up and saying what I really want to say. Thanks Linda for believing in me and for giving me the courage to believe in myself!

Granny Boggs

I found out recently that I am going to be a grandmother. This is probably the most amazing and wonderful thing to happen to me since I found out I was pregnant with my own kids.

My daughter and her husband told us when they came home for a visit. It was fairly early in the pregnancy and thye probably wouldn't have said anything so early but wanted to tell us in person. By the time they get back for their next visit I don't think they would have been able to surprise us because she will be about 5 months pregnant and we would have been able to see it for ourselves.

She kept asking me if I was going to have any vacation left after the week I was taking off for that visit home and for a week we have scheduled in the summer. I couldn't understand her interest and said why are you asking me about my vacation time? Her response was that I would need some vacation time in October. Why, I replied? Well to come and see your new grandbaby!

I hope my reaction seemed positive! I was so surprised that I don't know if I reacted at all or if I sat there like a big dolt! My husband had suspected they would make an announcement when they came home but I kept saying it's too soon. I am thrilled and can't wait to see that new little face.

I am a little sad because they are still so far away. I want to be there for Kristy, I want to go shopping for maternity clothes with her, I want to fix her soup or whatever else she feels like having. I want to come over to her house and help her do things when she's feeling so tired. I know that they will be home soon and I will be able to drive down to visit them but I feel like I just can't wait.

I find myself drawn to the baby department of any store I happen to be in. I have to look at all of the little clothes and toys. I pay a lot more attention to other young moms who are either pregnant or pushing strollers. I am currently trying out names for the baby to call me. Mom-Mom is taken, Grandmom is what the kids call my mother, I never really like Nan nan. Kind of sounds simple to me. I love Granny but Kristy thinks it sounds old. I will find the right name and I will love it every time I hear it from Baby G and any others that may come along!

I can't help but feel sad for all of those in our family that won't get a chance to know of or meet Baby G. Bill's mother especially was cheated from knowing any of her grandchildren. My dad, Kristy's paternal grandmother, Michael's grandmom, her Pop pop and her Poppy will never get the chance to see Kristy as a mom.

I know that she will be a great mom and I'm hoping that I will be a good grandmother. I am so grateful that I will have the chance to see my little girl become a mom. That is the best gift a mother can ever get, the chance to see her children grown and happy in their lives. It makes me realize just how much each day is a gift and how we each should cherish those days and be happy for all we are able to experience.

An Unbelievable day!

Today was one of those days. It seemed like everywhere I turned someone else had a tragic thing happening in their life. Why is it that the old saying "when it rains it pours" is so very true.

It especially seems as if there are definite patterns to the way things happen in people's lives. Sometimes all is well and everything seems to fall into place with no effort at all and then there are the other times. That is when calamity after calamity piles up on the same poor families.

I can't help but feel that I am ok for now but I'm keeping my eyes on the sky waiting for it to drop. Just in the course of my work day and in my small office there was so much going on that it was hard to believe.

The day after my neighbor found out her husband was being laid off, her basement had a flood, her daughter needs a root canal and also college textbooks this very same week. My boss's husband had a post op infection and had to go in for additional surgery and will also be out of work for a long time. Another co-worker who is going through radiation treatments for her breast cancer dropped a platter on her foot and broke her toe. Another's brother had a surgical procedure and in the course of that had a seizure and it turned out that he has an inoperable brain tumor and lung cancer that was not diagnosed.

This sounds like the plot of a really unbelievable soap opera but I swear to you that all of this is true. The only unbelievable part of the whole story is that these people coped with all of this and came to work, did their jobs and actually had some time during the course of the day to chat with each other and maybe enjoy a laugh or two. The resilience of the human spirit is what is unbelievable. Sometimes it seems that a person has been kicked down so far that they can never get up again but the funny thing is that they do get up, they dust themselves off and they get right back in the ring and slug it out again.

I admire every single one of the people whose stories I heard today. They inspire me to never give up and to always try to look at the brighter side of the story. This is what makes us what we are. It is so easy to be a good, kind, funny generous person when everything is going well in your life. A completely more fantastic thing to be all of that when things are not going so well. Each of the ladies gave the others their sympathy, support and listened to what the other had to say. Sometimes that's all you need. Someone to listen and care.

This post goes out to my work family. Thanks for being there for each other and for me!

Education Envy

It has been a while since I actually had time to sit and think about anything. I took several college courses and was immersed in learning and studying for most of the spring and summer. It was really amazing that after so many years away from school my brain could still absorb knowledge. I was always afraid that I wouldn't be a good student. I hated high school with a passion. For a few years after I graduated I had a recurring dream that they came to me and said my diploma was no good and that I had to go back to high school. I would wake up with cold sweat and palpitations. This did not bode well for any type of higher education so I took a long pass on that and settled into just drifting along.



Last year in September my youngest son started high school. I went with him for orientation and helped him choose what classes he wanted to take. What surprised me was that I felt jealous of the opportunity to pick and choose and learn all kinds of different things. I had education envy! Of course I realized that high school was not an option....they frown on middle aged ladies in gym shorts playing dodge ball.



I had an epiphany that I wanted, (really really wanted) to go to college. Now anyone who graduated with me would roll their eyes and know I had gone off the deep end. I was a person that cut so many days my senior year that I literally forgot both my schedule and my locker combination. I really did not apply myself. Luckily this was during the seventies and thanks to many ridiculous elective choices I managed to pull enough credits out of the hat to earn that diploma. This probably accounts for the numerous diploma retraction dreams.



The first day of my first class I was probably more nervous than I was when I took my driver's test and I failed that miserably the first time. I walked into a class room that was packed. There were no seats left except for the very first row. Talk about the geekiest "kid" in the class. Had to be me! I really didn't look around I just kept my eyes on the teacher and listened and took notes. I really took myself a little too seriously. When class was over and I got up to leave I noticed that there was no demographic that would describe my classmates. They were Everybody! There were plenty of young kids but surprisingly there were older (really older) people and every age in between. One of my fellow students was one of kids friend's sister and one of them was a co-worker of mine from a former job. It was great!



I now have 13 college credits and a 4.0 GPA and I can't wait till September! I told you I was the geekiest kid in the class!!

Time

I sometimes think I must have multiple personalities. How else can I explain how I lose time?

I feel like I take a lot longer than any normal person to ever get anything done. I think part of my problem is I am sooooo easily distracted and then I forget what my original goal was. I can literally spend an entire day and be completely busy and content and then realize I accomplished absolutely nothing that I originally intended to do.

Is that a bad thing or is it normal to be a complete underachiever? Maybe the people that get everything done on their to do list and then look around for something else to do are really the abnormal ones. God I hope so!

Don't get me wrong I'm not a complete loser. I do manage to hold a job and get quite a lot of work done there. I think its just when I'm left to my own supervision that I am a slacker. I feel as the surpervisor of my own home I should delegate most of the crap that needs to get done or maybe it doesn't really need to get done......ever.

I think that maybe it is a family trait that I have. I don't know which side of the family that it comes from, both of my parents were fairly hard workers and my mom can never ever ever sit still...(really she drives me crazy sometimes). I know that it must be hereditary or else why else would my brothers have this same affliction and why would my sons have it? My daughter I think is on the same path as my mom. She is always way busier and gets a lot more accomplished than me.

My ultimate goal in life is to be comfortable in my slacker skin but I can't. I still get embarrassed if someone stops by and the house is wrecked.

Somewhere there is a happy place where people don't feel guilt for being who they really are and people don't judge you for how productive you are, how clean or messy your house is and how much you accomplish in a day's time. I need to look for that place but for now I just don't have the time! : )

I'd rather be reading a book!

Boggs

I always thought it would be cool to have a blog. What would I write about?....Who would care? I have followed a few blogs and thought wow who knew these people had such interesting lives and did such amazing things. What could possibly be interesting about a 50 year old woman who works as a medical biller, goes to school part time and really lives vicariously through the lives of the peripheral people in her life.





The truth is that most of the people in the world don't live fantastic lives , have a ton of money or fame and beauty. Most of the people in the world are just like you and I ...normal everyday people that think we are missing out on something because we go to work everyday, come home fix dinner, watch a little TV, go to bed and then wake up and do it all again.




The reality is that we are the most important people in the world. The reason we are is that if we ever stopped being normal the world as we know it would come to a crashing end. Why is this?? Because we make everything happen. By our sheer normalcy we are the hubs that keep the world spinning.






How could the movie star have fame if we weren't shelling out the $10.50 plus for a ticket to go see their (usually crappy and not worth it) movie? Would the politician be anything but a big wind bag if we didn't vote for him (or her)? Lets face it we are the ones responsible for the mess in any political situation. We vote these people in and then bitch about what happens. Look at the mess this country is in now and I only have two words to say...George Bush. I won"t say anymore about that ...for now.

I think that regular people need to stand up and say I am important! and I am interesting! and take that all of you famous, beautiful, rich people!!

So I will write down my crazy thoughts and share the craziness of my everyday ordinary??? life. You are welcome to be a part of this life and laugh, cry or just plain thank god you aren't me!!!

Enough for now,



Boggs .... story about that nickname will follow in another post!